It’s been the worst year of my life and NO, time does not heal everything! I miss you so much, every part of my body aches. It seems like time is standing still and pain never sleeps. I’ve been crying for hours, days, weeks, months... one year to be exact. And I cry not only because I miss you, but also because I can’t stop thinking about your pain!!!... the unbearable pain you must’ve felt that day... that day a year ago, when you just couldn’t take it anymore...
About five years ago, I was visiting you at a rehab center and you asked me why I had to move to LA right now... “Why now?... Now when I’m finally getting my shit together?” Then you laughed... and told me that I HAD to go. You’d always tell me to go after my dreams. You believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself... I wish that you were here, so you could see all the things that I’ve accomplished... All the things I’ve learned this last year... All the things I wanted to tell you last summer when I was visiting, but never got the chance to... you would’ve been so proud...
I was really looking forward to see you, to hug you... hang out with you, and just talk about everything and nothing...
Life is so unkind... Why didn’t you believe in yourself?, Why couldn’t you believe in yourself as much as you believed in me?.. Maybe I didn’t believe in you as much as I should have? I really thought I did... I am so sorry if I didn’t. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I never thought it would end like this.
Now I have to figure out how to live my life without you... it’s not easy. Not only do I have to deal with the pain of missing you, but I also have to carry the heavy burden of not knowing if, what, when, where and how I could’ve done something...
But just so you know... I could have carried at least half your burden!... if only you would’ve let me.
Sleep in heavenly peace beautiful angel<3
Forever in my heart ❤️